How to Talk to your Daughter about her Body: Step One — Don’t

If you took a poll of adult women asking the biggest challenge today’s generation of young girls have to overcome, you’d likely hear many of them them express their concerns about the power the media has on negatively influencing girls’ body image and confidence. Most women will attest that the adolescent years are perhaps the most sensitive and impressionable time in a young girl’s journey towards developing confidence and self-acceptance.

From the tabloids girls see at grocery store registers to the millions of images they see on television and on social media every day, the messages portraying what beauty is and what a woman’s body should look like are both confusing and inescapable.

The antidote to the problem? Blogger Sarah Koppelkam suggests that parents hold the key to shaping their daughters perceptions of beauty, and can start by being more conscious about the examples we set for them.

She suggests that by following a few simple ground rules when talking to our girls about their bodies (spoiler alert: the answer is to not talk to them about their bodies at all!), we can help create a generation of confident, well-adjusted girls who are unaffected by society’s unrealistic expectations.

You can read Sarah’s original Facebook post on the issue here:

“How to talk to your daughter about her body, step one: Don’t talk to your daughter about her body, except to teach her how it works.

Don’t say anything if she’s lost weight. Don’t say anything if she’s gained weight.
If you think your daughter’s body looks amazing, don’t say that. Here are some things you can say instead:

“You look so healthy!” is a great one.

Or how about, “You’re looking so strong.”

“I can see how happy you are — you’re glowing.”

Better yet, compliment her on something that has nothing to do with her body.

Don’t comment on other women’s bodies either. Nope. Not a single comment, not a nice one or a mean one.

Teach her about kindness towards others, but also kindness towards yourself.

Don’t you dare talk about how much you hate your body in front of your daughter, or talk about your new diet. In fact, don’t go on a diet in front of your daughter. Buy healthy food. Cook healthy meals. But don’t say, “I’m not eating carbs right now.” Your daughter should never think that carbs are evil, because shame over what you eat only leads to shame about yourself.

Encourage your daughter to run because it makes her feel less stressed. Encourage your daughter to climb mountains because there is nowhere better to explore your spirituality than the peak of the universe. Encourage your daughter to surf, or rock climb, or mountain bike because it scares her and that’s a good thing sometimes.

Help your daughter love soccer or rowing or hockey because sports make her a better leader and a more confident woman. Explain that no matter how old you get, you’ll never stop needing good teamwork. Never make her play a sport she isn’t absolutely in love with.

Prove to your daughter that women don’t need men to move their furniture.

Teach your daughter how to cook kale.

Teach your daughter how to bake chocolate cake made with six sticks of butter.

Pass on your own mom’s recipe for Christmas morning coffee cake. Pass on your love of being outside.

Maybe you and your daughter both have thick thighs or wide ribcages. It’s easy to hate these non-size zero body parts. Don’t. Tell your daughter that with her legs she can run a marathon if she wants to, and her ribcage is nothing but a carrying case for strong lungs. She can scream and she can sing and she can lift up the world, if she wants.

Remind your daughter that the best thing she can do with her body is to use it to mobilize her beautiful soul.”

~ Sarah Koppelkam via The Cosmic Dancer

Photo courtesy of Adrian Błachut

What do you think about Sarah’s stance on parent’s influence on their daughter’s body image? What advice would you add to her article?

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